Even after 50 years on this planet, I’m still surprised at some of the things I do.
Last week, I came upon a post on LinkedIn that I found quite refreshing.
I really liked this guy’s forthright approach and I was curious to learn more.
So I sent him a connection request with a message to let him know I found his post interesting.
He replied with a thoughtful question. We had a bit of back and forth which ended with me booking a call with him for the following Monday.
The call was good.
He was very direct and clear about his method and how he helps his clients get results.
We had similar points of view about what it takes to make a solopreneur business succeed.
I told him I was ready to challenge myself more in my own business and he presented his offer.
It was a great offer. An irresistible offer.
I went for it.
Right then and there, I gave him my credit card info for a sizable investment.
Within 15 minutes, I was in his members’ portal making my way through the onboarding.
The content was extensive and touched on all the important aspects that I also cover with my clients. I was impressed and excited to officially get started with our first 1:1 call a few days later.
In one of the first modules, he mentioned that his wife provided emotional support in the program with regular mindset calls.
So I went to check her out on LinkedIn to connect and find out a bit more about her.
Looking over her activity, I found some older posts from her husband that raised alarm bells.
This guy I was about to work with for 6 months had very strong opinions.
A few specific things I read in these older posts felt like a punch to my gut.
Let me take a moment here to say that for many years in my career as a digital strategist, I did work that was not in line with my values. Working on PR, advertising, and promotional campaigns for wasteful and unnecessary products made me miserable.
It still took me many years to finally leave.
When I did, I promised myself that I would no longer dismiss how important my values were in all areas of my life.
That’s why building a minimalist biz matters so much to me. It reflects my values and also embeds them in my framework to help others build their own version of a minimalist business. One that includes simplicity, deep connection, and meaning.
And yet, here I was just a few days ago, debating with myself when it should have been instantly clear.
Should I still go ahead and do the program?
Somehow separate out this person’s politics and values from the work
While my mind was doing its thing, my body was protesting.
My stomach was in knots, my heart was pounding, my jaw tight.
There was no way I could do this program without compromising what matters most to me.
But I had already paid and signed the contract that stipulated no refunds.
Fueled by the need to re-align with my values, I got into action mode.
I recorded a video of the members’ area to show I hadn’t accessed any of the proprietary materials in the program.
I looked up my credit card’s chargeback policy.
And most importantly, I prepared for an uncomfortable conversation to quit the program and get a refund.
Luckily, I had a great resource. A program created by Guillaume Dulude, a French-Canadian neuropsychologist who specializes in interpersonal communication.
His book and programs are only available in French but if you’re interested, here is his YouTube channel.
In the program, he explains how to express things that are important to us by what he calls “creating a vector.”
It consists of these 5 parts:
- Context
- Trigger element
- Awareness
- Goals/objectives
- Ask/proposition/central message
Using this framework, I wrote down exactly what I wanted to say to the guy whose program I wanted to quit.
Here’s the overview of what I wrote and said:
Context:
I was excited to get started and impressed by the material in the members’ area.
Trigger element:
When you introduced your wife in the onboarding section, I went to connect with her on LinkedIn. I saw a number of your old posts and there were some things that concerned me.
Awareness:
I realized that we don’t share the same values. Values that are very important to me.
Objective:
I want to get the best results from the program and feel good about the people involved in it. This misalignment won’t allow me to do that.
Ask:
I haven’t accessed any of the proprietary content and since we haven’t officially started, I’d like to end our engagement and get a refund.
(I wasn’t asking as much as stating what I needed.)
He may not be my kind of person but he was professional and listened as I told him my concerns.
He pushed back some and I remained firm that I wouldn’t change my mind.
He agreed to give me a refund.
For him, there was no issue. He saw this as a business relationship that didn’t need to account for our differences.
I wholeheartedly disagree.
Values matter.
And when you’re working with someone closely for many months, there’s no way to do your best and show up fully when there’s a disconnect there.
Here’s what I’ve learned from this that might be useful for you too:
Constantly share your values through your content.
If you’re good at talking about what you do but don’t demonstrate your values often, you might get attention from people who aren’t right for you.
Don’t get on a call with someone before you’ve got a sense of what they stand for.
This one seems obvious but when you’re feeling acute pain, you may act too quickly if the solution to getting rid of that pain is right in front of you.
Don’t make assumptions about the people in your network.
This guy was connected to many people I like so I assumed he was like them. That’s a big leap. While it feels like I’m connecting with values-aligned people, that won’t always be the case.
If you’re feeling especially frustrated, sad, scared, lonely…stay away from social media or from the Internet really.
We want to find the solution, the salve for the hard shit we’re feeling. And there’s a whole world at our fingertips. But walking away from that world in those moments is the better option.
Building a business is hard.
But it doesn’t have to be complicated or confusing.
That’s why I’m such an advocate for a minimalist approach.
And I’m glad that you’re here reading about it and getting to know me better in the process. Someday, we might work together and you won’t have made the same mistake I made this week.